When I started my blog- and months prior to that, I had many concerns and fears. I knew I would be getting personal and so I worried what people would think if they knew these things about me. I would fret about not being so good at writing after all, and people losing interest altogether.
What I didn’t envision was that perhaps people wouldn’t bother reading it in the first place. I have about 200 (Facebook) friends and I made sure to let them know about my blog. I try to get the word out when I can, without being pushy or seeming desperate. I truly thought people at work would look at me differently knowing more about my past- which I’ve yet to really get into.
So far, no strange looks or awkward exchanges. I did have one co-worker compliment me on my blog, only to ask me days later if I ever planned on having kids, which is what my first article was about.
Obviously my expectations are in need of an adjustment. Why exactly did I think people would rush to read my blog? It reminded me of when I got my own apartment when I was 19. I thought it would be one awesome party after another- I never doubted the constant stream of debauchery I would share with all my friends. Both of them. Yeah, never happened. I was lonely and bored and didn’t even own a television set, much less a selection of booze- which I wasn’t old enough to purchase anyway.
I’ve organized a few parties in the last several years, always over shooting the number of people I think will attend and apologizing to the staff for all the empty tables. Then there are/were the occasions where I post a rhyme on Facebook and think “ this is so good- I really outdid myself this time!” Only to have maybe a hand full of people hit the “like” button, and my hopes inevitably dashed.
What I’m coming to realize is that at least where my blog is concerned, I am asking a lot for people to check it out. We live in an instant gratification, click and it’s done, swipe to find a soul mate society. I’m wanting people to enter in a link to something they aren’t sure about and then spend precious time reading about me or topics I feel are of relevance.
Truth be told, I don’t know how many people have checked out my blog, only that I have insecurities caused by unnecessary expectations- nothing else can be blamed for the things I’ve mentioned. The bottom line is that when we put ourselves out there, it has to be for us first and foremost- not for the reaction we hope others will have to it. What I do know is this is a dream come true for me. It makes me happy and I’ll continue to write for as long as it brings me joy. This blog is my journey and I hope to share it with you- whether “you” is two people or two thousand people 🙂