In this life we will all encounter (and perhaps impart) a variety of personalities: the introvert, the extrovert, people with low self-esteem, narcissists, sociopaths, people pleasers, kiss asses, lazy people, over-achievers, etc. But there is one type of person I personally cannot tolerate- the perpetual victim.
What do I mean by “perpetual victim?” Basically, this is someone who is often at a low point in their lives, many times of their own doing, but in their eyes it’s everyone else’s fault but their own. They fail to see how their own decisions and actions have contributed to their demise, often chalking it up to “bad luck” or “ the world is against them.” Perpetual victims often fail to acknowledge when good things happen to them, or when people reach out to them in kindness. They see positive experiences as “fleeting” and bad times as “inevitable.”
I’m no psychiatrist, and I have no background in behavioral studies, but I have opinions aplenty and of course, my own life experiences.
I used to try to help people like this. I thought they just needed a break or someone to show they care. Caution: whenever you think you need to “fix” someone, that is a red flag! One I chose to ignore many times, but a red flag nonetheless. I would lend an ear, try and give advice, purchase things I thought would be helpful, anything to prove life was worth living and not all people are bad. I would watch as others gave money to the perpetual victims in hopes of easing a financial burden. In the end though, it would all be for not, as the perpetual victim would see to it that their role was played out appropriately, and they always ended up where they began- miserable.
My own mother reminded me of this person; may she rest in peace. She had a really shitty childhood- more on that later. However, she was hell-bent on sabotaging her own happiness and determined to regress as soon as any progress in her life was made. Her childhood, I believe, was her reason/excuse for never getting her life together. I think perpetual victims carry a great deal of pain that makes them feel as though they don’t deserve to be happy. So how can I be so against someone in this sad state of being? It’s because they can and will drag you down with them if you’re not careful.
It’s that old saying that misery loves company. Feeling crappy is their “payoff” if you will, for resorting to old habits and never really getting to a better place. It’s their justification to live accordingly because then “life sucks” isn’t just an opinion- it’s fact.
I don’t know that they purposefully want others to be unhappy. What I do know is you’re only as good as the company you keep. That’s why it’s crucial you surround yourself with people who are the embodiment of what you want for yourself. If the people you continually encounter drain you and/or seem to suck the life out of you, you may want to re-evaluate those you besiege yourself with.
No longer investing my time and energy in perpetual victims has helped me be a more jovial, peaceful person. I think it is important to help others in need, but I also think it’s imperative we evaluate whether or not certain individuals want/deserve our help. Lord knows there are plenty of souls out there who can and will thrive with the lending of an ear or a helping hand- and truly appreciate it:)