I just posted a quote on Facebook which said “ I would rather be unjustifiably happy than justifiably miserable.” This was brought on by the day I had yesterday.
A co-worker did something to upset me so understandably, I was ticked off. It wasn’t the first time this person had caused me to be angry, and repeating all past grievances made me even more furious. Plus, just being at work seems to set me off. It’s ironic how I meditate and read all these books about how what you put out into t he world is what you inevitably get back (karma), yet once I enter the workplace it’s like all bets are off.
The more I thought about it, the only thing this person and I have in common is our penchant for complaining. We have almost nothing to discuss, therefore we bitch. I put myself above this person because I may complain, but I also try to remedy the problem and go to the source. This person however, will whine about something incessantly and rarely approach the individual responsible. So for those keeping score, I had more of a right to make a fuss i.e. be miserable. I also made sure to let countless others know what this person had done to cause my current state and their assurance that I was indeed justified for being mad was all I needed to fuel my anguish.
It’s interesting that I began my day in good spirits. I had the next two days off, it’s fall- my favorite season and I had and overall sense of well-being. I found complaining to be like a virus in my brain; once I let it in, it took over and quickly spread. Eventually, it became nearly impossible for me to feel positive no matter what joyous thoughts I conjured up. I told myself “ It’s all good, I’ll be off soon enough.”
But when I got home I felt worse. I was literally drained of all my vitality- staying angry all day takes a lot of energy! I also had a terrible headache. The discomfort in my shoulder got increasingly worse as well. I tried to nap, but couldn’t. I was hoping to get a workout in, however my pain and lack of enthusiasm made that all but impossible.
Then I had a strange thought- what if instead of dwelling on all the negatives about work or certain people, I started asking myself what I’m grateful for? I have a job I like, great hours and an ideal schedule. No one at work is out to get me or cause me any harm, in fact, most people at work are like family. And what if- even as I have the worst day ever and the worst people experiences ever- I laugh and choose contentment despite it all? You might say “ Then people will think you’re crazy!” To that I would respond “Better that than the grief I may have every right to feel, but has never brought me any comfort.”
Wish me luck in this endeavor, as it is certainly new territory for me. Yesterday was a big red flag in terms of areas I need/wish to improve on. It won’t come easily or overnight, but if the outcome is being happier than I feel it’s well worth trying- wouldn’t you agree?