I’m in shock. I shouldn’t be, I suppose. Nevertheless, I am. I’m also pissed off and I’m really sad. In addition I’m lucky and incredibly grateful. I can be all these things simultaneously, which is both a blessing and a bit of a mindfuck. Let me explain…
A couple years ago, I was experiencing some lower back pain when I slept. Due to decades of a physically demanding job and mild scoliosis, occasional back pain was a common occurrence. Pain during sleep however, was not. The assumption was that I needed a new mattress.
Fast forward two years- I’ve been through five mattresses and three mattress toppers. And my back pain has gotten worse. A few months ago I noticed that when I stand in the bathroom for too long my back pain flares up. So I purchased an anti-fatigue mat because surely the issue was the hard floor- not my spine.
I’ve worn custom orthotics for many years, along with daily stretches, consistent chiropractic care and the occasional massage. I’ve always tried to be proactive in regards to my health, so when I was told I have degeneration in my lower back (disc and joints) which may require surgery along with arthritis, I was floored. As my trusted chiropractor of almost eight years scanned the x rays, he told me it takes twenty years for this type of damage to occur. “Given how your lumbar spine curves outward more than normal, walking on concrete all those years and all the bending and lifting, it makes sense.” He wasn’t wrong, but why then, was this so unexpected?
I began to blame myself- surely I should have known this was coming. Did my chiropractor warn me and I simply ignored it? Did he mention that my lifestyle coupled with my biomechanics was basically a perfect storm for this type of outcome? How could this level of degeneration, which takes twenty years to manifest completely blindside me?
The answer is that my chiropractor didn’t communicate this to me. He would give me stretches and exercises to hopefully ease my pain, but never did he mention this outcome was possible- let alone likely.
Ironically, it was a trip to a chiropractor decades ago that shaped me into the proactive individual I am today.
I woke up one morning and couldn’t turn my neck, so I found the nearest chiropractor and begged for help. He took x rays and that was when I discovered I had scoliosis. But it was these words that forever changed me, “Well, had you come to me in your early teens we could’ve corrected this, but since you’re 21 the best you can do is manage it.”
Of course there’s much debate as to whether or not he could’ve actually “fixed” it, but from then on I vowed to try my best to be proactive when it came to my health so I wouldn’t have to react to the consequences of not taking care of myself. I had also just gotten off of drugs and was committed to a healthier lifestyle.
Yet, here I was, being forced to react to an enemy that was up till this point, invisible. This revelation took place five days ago, so I’m still processing. I will no longer see that chiropractor, however I still believe in chiropractic care. After all, it did keep my scoliosis from ever getting worse. Now I know how to better advocate for myself, and I’ll demand that above all else, the next chiropractor will over-communicate if necessary, and be on board with my proactive nature.
I’m currently in PT and the next step is an MRI. Whatever happens, I will make the best of it, of course allowing myself the occasional pity party- a mixture of chocolate and tears.
The sad truth is – so many people are working jobs that are wreaking havoc on their bodies, and not only do they have to keep working, but many can’t afford to get the care I’m receiving. Of course, things could change; there are no guarantees in life (aside from death and taxes), but at this moment I accept what is.
I’m in shock, I’m pissed off and I’m sad- but also, how lucky am I?