For the most part, I try to be upbeat and positive. But when I get down, man, I get really down.
I had an emergency session with my therapist (Roy) last week. “So, what’s going on?” he asked. “The world is ending. Everything is going to shit, and how the hell can I even begin to feel the relevance of a life coach job if the fucking world is ending?” Told ya.
As I’ve mentioned before, now that I’ve finished my memoir, my goal is to become a life coach. There is no greater feeling for me (except when I’m writing), than lifting someone’s spirits. This often comes in direct conflict with my depression, as you can see. There’s also the imposter syndrome- who the hell am I to be helping people? I don’t have a degree and how can I have a positive impact on someone’s life if I’m struggling myself? I will probably battle those thoughts for the rest of my life.
The fact is, despite the crap I tell myself, I help people all the time. It’s not just a career (that often gets made fun of because let’s be real, overly perky people can be really annoying). But coaching isn’t just something I want to do- it’s who I am; it’s in my DNA. I’m a writer- that’s who I am too, and I never completed a college class for that. I say completed because I took a creative writing course at a junior college once, and I never finished it because my anxiety got to be too overwhelming. But the fact that I’m writing this right now makes me a writer.
So what came of my therapy session? Well, Roy couldn’t deny that things don’t look great, but we landed on the fact that all any of us has is this moment. I knew I didn’t want to waste what time I have left (be it from the apocalypse or something of a more personal nature), wasting my present on something that will certainly happen one day, but who the hell knows exactly when or how?! Logically it made sense, but I still wasn’t feeling it.
Then I reevaluated my belief system. If I believe I signed up for this life in advance, which I do, then what did I sign up for? Surely it wasn’t to just give up! The only way the world ends on my terms is if I take charge and live it the way I want! Now that is a mindset I can think, believe and feel!
Of course, you don’t have to have the same belief system I do to alter your perception of life. One thing is universally true for all of us- we can’t live life on our terms while giving away our power to fear; however, if we can manage our fear we can control our narrative.
I hope this helps some of you who may be struggling in these uncertain times. May this moment be powerful, beautiful and filled with intention…may it be something worth dying for;)