We’ve all heard the saying “You can’t love somebody else if you don’t love yourself.”
My friends are thinking yeah, we hear you say that all the damn time- which is a fact. One reason I subscribed to that belief is because of my marriage; it isn’t lost on me that one of the many reasons we didn’t work out was me putting him in the position of having to love me enough for the both of us, which proved to be futile, given that I didn’t even like myself. The second reason I waxed poetic about that train of thought is because there’s a lot of truth to it. However, I’ve come to find it’s not the only way one can be capable of loving or receiving love from another- it’s simply the optimal path.
Over time, it’s become clear to me that more often than not, we begin to love ourselves when love is mirrored back to us through the eyes of someone we care about. Again, it would be ideal to embody self love from a young age, which would typically be due to our parents and extended family showing us what unconditional love is. However, many of us weren’t raised in such nurturing environments. If you grew up in an abusive household (btw, neglect is a form of abuse), then you are likely to struggle with the concept of self love.
I now cringe at the thought of partaking in the notion that those same people are now somehow less worthy of love and companionship simply because the optimal path wasn’t available to them. Of course, the tricky part is holding on to that self love even if the person who mirrored it back to you no longer feels that way, or is no longer in your life; but it can be done.
People who go into a relationship already loving who they are are less likely to settle for someone not meant for them, because then they want the person, but they don’t need them to feel complete; which of course, is why this is the optimal situation. However, for those of us who fall into the less than optimal category, it is crucial that we build the support system we didn’t have growing up. You can seek it out in friends, the family you choose, animals, nature, religion, spirituality, the many forms of art, physical activity, etc.
Please know/ remember that no matter what cards life has dealt you, you are worthy of happiness. Find what you love, and in time love will find you;)