As I sat across from Lois, once again, I was filled with cautious optimism. The purpose of this visit was to see if she could connect with Mom, who had died twelve years prior.
During our last session, Lois asked Dad if my mother, whom he’d divorced when I was one, was there as well. His response was that she was around, however, they didn’t interact much- good to know that even in the afterlife things hadn’t really changed.
“Ok, let’s see if your mom wants to say hi. Mmmm, she’s right here, and she has a lot on her mind. Are you ready?” “That’s why I’m here,” I said. “Let’s do it!” “She’s telling me that she still doesn’t understand why her life was so difficult. There was so much pain, and so little joy, and she doesn’t understand what it was all for. Also, like your dad, she has refrained from getting too close to you because she feels so badly about your childhood.” With that, Lois began to cry. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I can feel her pain- sometimes this can get a bit overwhelming.”
At that point, I don’t know which surprised me more; the fact that I was keeping it together better than Lois, or the fact that my mom was still agonizing after all this time. (Though I suppose time doesn’t exist in the afterlife, what with it being eternal and all). I requested that Lois tell my mother that I forgave her, and that I don’t want her to keep carrying this guilt. “I understand why she drank (at least to the best of my ability), and why things happened the way they did. I’m happy and I’m living a good life. Please make sure she knows that.” Lois, still crying, conveyed the message to Mother. “She’s glad to hear that, but she’s not sure when or if she can ever forgive herself for what she did to you. But there’s more- there’s something she feels is important for you to be aware of.” Now I was really intrigued.
Before Lois went any further, she proceeded to ask if I were an only child. “Yes I am,” I said. “Are you sure?” Lois inquired. I was perplexed; I think I would know had I grown up with a sibling. “Well, Dad was in the military, so it’s possible, but if so, I never met them.” “Okay, well I’m not sure if I should proceed,” Lois warned. “Whatever it is, I can handle it- just tell me,” I assured her.” Hesitantly, Lois continued- “Your mom said that when she was young, before you were born, she had a baby boy whom she was forced to give up for adoption. She’s telling you now so that you will know you’re not alone.” And with that, our session came to an end.
The details of Mom’s childhood were convoluted, at best; tons of sexual abuse and time spent in a mental institution as a teenager. The possibility that she might have given a baby up for adoption was certainly plausible- it would also further explain her addictions.
What really struck me was that the week prior, I had ended a relationship with a man I called my brother. For four years, our bond had seemed unbreakable, and as far as I was concerned- he was like flesh and blood. I was forced to concede that our differences made it so that we could no longer remain in each others’ lives; therefore the timing of this information was uncanny, to say the least.
I’ve settled on two things: First, that if I do have a brother out there, I’m letting the Universe decide whether or not we shall ever meet. If it’s meant to be, it will happen, and if not, I’m alright with that too. Second, I can think of one surefire approach to alleviating Mom and Dad’s guilt- I shall make them my guardian angels! Yep, that’s right; now the very people who were unable to guide me and help me navigate this crazy life, are now filling that role whilst partaking in the afterlife.
Sometimes real life is stranger than fiction, eh?