First, I want to acknowledge the reason I failed to post anything in February. Writer’s block was getting the best of me, hence I waited until the end of February to start on my articles. I had just finished It Comes in Threes, with the intention of looking it over the next day and then posting it.
Ironically, I had recently downloaded Windows 11, and immediately noticed unwelcome changes to my laptop. For example, the power button completely disappeared from the home screen. Then I noticed the battery wasn’t charging- even when plugged in. I tried several troubleshooting methods, to no avail. The day I went to post my article, my laptop was unresponsive- it wouldn’t power on at all. My warranty had expired the month prior, as warranties tend to do, and by the time I found a reputable company to determine the problem and fix it (I needed a new motherboard), almost a month had passed. The technician assured me a software update would never cause that kind of damage, and that the timing was purely coincidental. More than likely, something had gone awry with my motherboard during the manufacturing process.
That said, during the month of April I will be posting four articles to honor my promise of two per month;)
Going back to the day Rick (my boyfriend) took me to my follow-up appointment- we got some troubling news. The MRI from his ongoing back pain showed that he would likely need a spinal fusion. He had a vertebrae that had shifted forward, putting pressure on his sciatic nerve. He also had a cyst that was pinching his nerve from the opposite side. This was not only causing him extreme pain down both legs, but they were beginning to atrophy.
All I could think during this time was how am I going to care for him with one arm? Granted, by the time they would actually be able to perform the surgery, my cast would likely be off. However, due to the fact that with each passing day, more damage was being done to his sciatic nerve, possibly resulting in paralysis, I wanted treatment to come as soon as possible, regardless of my situation.
Days later, we met with a surgeon who stated that unequivocally, he needed the surgery, which would take place one month later.
During that time I planned meticulously for the weeks following Rick’s procedure. Admittedly, I put far too much pressure on myself to be as supportive as possible, almost forgetting he had a caring brother who lived just up the street, and a supportive best friend who had offered to help out. I would stay with him at his house for as long as it took- cooking, cleaning and ensuring he got his pills when needed. I would do the driving and attempt to meet every other need that might arise. I would sleep and bathe whenever circumstances allowed. I would then joke to myself that this was payback for never having kids- karma for the selfish existence that had defined my adulthood thus far.
Most importantly, I had weekly sessions with my therapist, who continually talked me down off the ledge and assured me I would do my best, and that everything would be just fine. Over time, I reached a state of being where I felt calm and at peace. I was ready for whatever the Universe was trying to teach me. I would learn from my mistakes and my shortcomings. I was facing my fears and heading into uncharted territory, and that was a good thing! I would show up for Rick the way he had continually shown up for me, and we would be better and stronger for it. Then, finally, came the day of Rick’s pre-op appointment…
We arrived as prepared as possible; notebook full of questions in hand. We sat for an hour waiting for the surgeon’s assistant to show up. I eventually went out to the lobby inquiring as to his whereabouts. The lady apologized, saying he was running late, and that he’d be right in. The next hour, we went over all our concerns.
I should note that Rick had a lot of trauma in his childhood, losing his older sister when he was twelve, and then his dad about four years later. When he was in college, his brother had a near- death skiing accident. Needless to say, hospital type environments often caused Rick’s blood pressure to spike, and this would be no exception. He had just been informed his surgery would require him to need an intubation tube (which he’d feared), and we were now with a lady who was going over his last rights/wishes should anything go wrong during or after surgery. This was the final step of the pre-op session. Then she took his blood pressure- it was 229 over 129. Rick was blase’ about the reading, citing his white coat anxiety, which horrified the nurse because that is the range where most people are prone to strokes or heart attacks. “Sir, if your blood pressure is this high during surgery, they’ll cancel it on the spot. Wait here while I consult the anesthesiologist.” About half an hour later, she returned saying Rick’s surgery would be postponed. In order for them to perform the procedure, Rick would need a release from a Doctor. I sat there in shock and disbelief; we had now been there for over three hours. I had not prepared for this, and the stakes were higher than ever now. The nurse also insisted we go straight to urgent care, which for most people would be the logical thing to do- for Rick however, the consequences could be deadly…