So what does one do when faced with this kind of crisis? We went back to my place and I made sloppy joes. To be fair however, Rick initially dropped me off at home so he could run to his house and get his blood pressure cuff. I proceeded to drink enough alcohol to knock out a linebacker, which barely fazed me due to my current level of anxiety. I then texted Dr. Henke, who is both mine and Rick’s functional doctor, and the only medical professional Rick trusts, for some much needed advice. And because this man is an absolute f-ing saint, he ensured us that he could get Rick in for an appointment the following Monday morning- three days before his surgery was supposed to take place. On a side note, dinner was magnificent; as far as sloppy joes go. An amazing feat, considering cooking seemed about as appealing as a root canal under the circumstances.
During the appointment with Dr. Henke, Rick was put on a high dose of blood pressure medication for the next two days, to be continued at a lower dose thereafter. The surgeon’s office needed a release by Tuesday in order for Rick to keep his appointment, and though his numbers weren’t quite as low as Dr. Henke had hoped, by day’s end on Tuesday, they were sufficient enough for his approval. It looked as though Rick would be getting his surgery after all!
The next day I moved into his place temporarily, so I could look after him. Notably, I have a phobia of driving in bad weather, and it was snowing like crazy! It seemed as though we were in a period of reckoning with our collective fears: Rick’s aversion to medical facilities/procedures and my trepidation of all things driving related, topped off by a fear of failure in general- only in this case someone’s life was literally at stake.
I cleaned. I unpacked. My sanity ebbed and flowed, as I ran through my mental checklist of all the things that needed to happen to prepare for his surgery the next morning. Rick got home from his last day of work for the next six weeks, and sensing my panic, he said “It seems like you’re trying to stay busy to keep your mind preoccupied from everything.” He meant well, bless his heart. “I’m not trying to stay busy- I am busy!” I snapped.
A couple hours later, one of Rick’s three daughters stopped by with her boyfriend. It was my first time ever meeting her, and I was relieved that it went well. Sure, it wasn’t optimal meeting his family members when I was so stressed, but what can you do?
Also, I needed to embrace the notion that it wasn’t really about me right now.
The next morning I got up at six- Rick’s surgery was scheduled for 11:30. The main objectives were to get him showered with a hibiclens solution (to combat possible infection), and give him a valium at precisely four hours prior to surgery (to combat a nervous breakdown). Despite some protest on Rick’s part as to precisely when the shower would take place (I may have control issues), my to-do list was completed. At 9:30 we checked into the surgery center, and as we waited, Rick surrendered to a peaceful slumber.
It wasn’t lost on me that despite all our efforts, if his blood pressure were to escalate upon awakening, the surgery would be canceled and all of this would be for nothing.