I must say, I’ve been feeling pretty upbeat the past few days; however, the two weeks prior to that, my depression and sense of hopelessness were in full swing.
Notably, I was talking with my dear friend Penn yesterday about the dreaded D-word. I love these types of conversations because they’re deep, meaningful and especially vulnerable. On the contrary, banter regarding what one does for a living and various other forms of small talk result in an instant recoiling of my nervous system. Hypocritically, I will totally resort to this in moments of desperation and/or when my social awkwardness is on full display.
So there we were, getting into a meaty discussion about the importance of such transparency in terms of mental health. Had you been a fly on the wall, you might assume we were grabbing life by the proverbial balls. He is relocating to another state with an exciting new life ahead of him. I am currently having the manuscript for my memoir edited, and hope to release my book in July of this year. Then, in the blink of an eye, shit got real. Penn confessed to me that despite how things may seem, he has days where things get really dark and grim. In turn, I divulged that life for me is day by day. For some of us, depression never completely goes away; as if it’s some sort of default setting.
I told Penn that when I’m at my lowest, I tend to reach out to people on social media, via text or messenger and give random compliments or words of encouragement. Doing so gives me a boost, but again, it’s also symptomatic of me struggling. The series Dexter comes to mind- the blues are my “dark passenger.”
That said, it doesn’t mean that life can’t ultimately be fulfilling. The vast majority of the time, something (many things) can be done to improve our overall outlook on life. Never before have so many resources been available to us, and that’s not counting exercise, meditation and good ol’ mother nature!
I just don’t want anyone to feel that if they can’t seem to shake it, that there’s no hope. There is ALWAYS hope! And if no one has told you lately- you are loved, you matter and your uniqueness is a gift to the world that only you can give! Hang in there:)