I tend to be hard on myself- like brutally hard. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to catch a break from my built-in bully. I guess I assume that because she resides inside of me, that surely she knows me better than anyone else could- including myself. She’s been there as long as I can remember, whispering in my ear about all the ways I suck at life, in great detail. Sure, there are the rare occasions where she takes a brief vacation, causing my self-esteem to climb to almost acceptable levels; then, without fail, she barges back into the house and unpacks her suitcase like the unwelcome guest that she is.
But lately, I have been taking a different approach to this mindset. This viewpoint is admittedly, not new, or even original. What it is however, is a game-changer! My current approach when my built-in bully begins her emotionally abusive tirade, is to ask myself “What would she be saying to me if she were a friend, as opposed to a tormentor?” It might sound silly (because it kind of is), but I have found it to be quite helpful:)
Most of us are familiar with the concept that we would never speak to our struggling buddies the way we talk to ourselves; if we did, we could hardly call ourselves an actual friend! We would encourage them to cut themselves some slack. We’d point out the strides they’ve made, which they’re too close to see. We would do our best to leave them in a better state than we found them in, so they remain hopeful and supported. Imagine if we showed ourselves that same grace!
According to healthline.com, a 2020 survey study showed that we have more than 6000 thoughts per day. Granted, this is only one study, but for the sake of awareness, it’s worth noting. More importantly, and I can’t stress this enough- WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS. We are merely observers of our thoughts. What this means is that we can choose which thoughts to cultivate and which ones to discard. It’s like an inner Pandora, where we can thumbs up healthy, healing commentary, and thumbs down negative sentiment about ourselves and others. Once we begin giving the uplifting thoughts our attention and dismissing those that don’t serve us, the more positive feedback we will see in our feed (our consciousness). You may then find yourself seeking out books, podcasts or other avenues to add to your morale boosting feed.
To clarify, this is not intended to be a substitution for necessary therapy or medication; it’s simply a tool that I have found to be useful concerning my lifelong battle with anxiety and depression. I am the first to assume that something as simplistic as being aware of one’s thoughts could never yield tangible results; but I will also be the first to admit I was wrong;)
So, if you find yourself struggling in the same way I have, try it and decide for yourself. What have you got to lose? Besides possibly, your own built-in bully!