Getting older has provided some challenges I hadn’t expected: hair loss, and ironically, hair popping up in unexpected places like my chin and occasionally my boobs. I feel sexy just writing this! There have been crazy mood swings, and oily facial skin that has rendered any forms of treatment thereof a waste of money. Oh, and my left eyelid is now droopier than my right, making my winged eyeliner damn near impossible to get right.
I won’t get into the more obvious effects of all those cumulative trips around the sun, because (especially as women), we’re already well versed in what awaits us. How could we not be? If it isn’t our well-meaning elders warning us “You just wait; you’ll see,” it’s ad after ad of beauty products reiterating that aging is something to overcome- never mind the fact that most of them feature women in their twenties! Despite a handful of bold, gray-haired celebrities who wear their fine lines like a badge of honor (and why shouldn’t they?), the majority of us are not looking forward to what father time has in store.
However, despite our society’s distaste, and even fears in regards to aging, it’s not the hopeless pit of despair it’s often made out to be. In this article I will be focusing on what I perceive to be some highlights of a more mature self.
One example being, now I’m far more inclined to consider the source in terms of what others think of me. When I was younger, everyone’s viewpoint mattered equally. Even if I didn’t necessarily like the person, I couldn’t handle them not liking me. Now I happily accept the fact that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay! The more honest I am about how I feel and where I stand on certain issues, the more my inner circle expands and contracts. I’m more accepting of that because I’m more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been. Aging has taught me that loving myself is far more important than what anyone thinks of me. After all, your relationship with yourself is not only the longest one you’ll ever have, it’s the only one you can never get out of!
Another example is that getting older inevitably forces you to face your own mortality. For me, this created several meaningful outcomes. One, is not sweating the small stuff, as cliche as that is. There’s nothing like dealing with a life and death situation to offer clarity on what really matters. As time passes you’re bound to lose someone, be it a parent, a friend, grandparent, etc. Though it’s often tragic and heartbreaking, we can’t help but shift our priorities amidst such occurrences. The neighbor’s barking dog, traffic jam, and long line at the grocery store lose relevance when pondering the true meaning of life. This revelation also took me on a spiritual journey which will certainly carry on for the remainder of my days. Though what it means to be spiritual is highly subjective, this tour of my psyche has left me with a curiosity and appreciation for the afterlife. Though the thought of suffering is unsettling; I don’t fear death in the slightest. I also attribute my current psychedelic therapy in assisting me with accepting my mortality, but more on that later.
I also look at my body with an appreciation younger me was not capable of. It has supported me through many illnesses and injuries. It has endured attempts to end my life, and other extremely stressful situations. My body and breath have sustained me through it all, and continue to cultivate a sense of gratitude.
Honestly, I spent most of my youth not liking who I was, and it was only with time that some powerful shifts took place, allowing me to show myself some much-needed grace. Sure, I did and said some pretty awful and humiliating things, but that’s how we grow- it’s how we learn to become better people. And though wisdom is a never-ending pursuit, if we’re willing to look inward, wisdom is often a by-product of getting older. If we’re lucky, the older we get, the more it accumulates.
For me, after experiencing the profundity of looking inward, I can honestly say that aside from the occasional trip down memory lane, I have no desire to go back- better hair and perfect eyeliner be damned!