At long last, I bring you the second half of my glimpse into the ketamine experience!
Going into my second session my expectations were high, as I had decided to double the initial dosage, again followed by a 100mg booster. In my previous article about ketamine, I talked about how I’d decided on taking one 150mg lozenge as opposed to two, during my first session. Because of this, and the fact that everything had gone so well, I mistakenly assumed that by increasing the dosage during my second session (taking both 150 mg lozenges), I would have an even more euphoric experience.
What actually happened is that it had way less of an effect, which shocked both me and Aja. She did assure me that these things can happen and no one fully understands why. She also pointed out that rest assured, the ketamine was still changing my brain (aka, doing what it’s supposed to), regardless of how much or how little exhilaration one feels.
But because I had so much riding on this, and because I took this lesser experience to mean that I was somehow already building a tolerance to ketamine, and therefore it wasn’t going to help me after all, I spiraled into a deep depression once more.
I immediately scheduled a follow-up with Journey Clinical, fully expecting that the highly trained staff surely had never heard of such an experience before, and thus I would be deemed an anomaly. True to form, however, my assumptions were incorrect. The nurse I spoke to, Kay, reaffirmed that higher doses don’t always equate to a more intense encounter. She did say my body might process ketamine more rapidly and thus the effects may not last as long. To combat this, Kay prescribed two 100mg boosters instead of just one.
Over the course of eight sessions, there was a fair amount of trial and error as far as dose experimentation. After my fourth session, Kay told me I could take up to 600mg. Of ketamine in a single session, but she was adamant I not exceed that. In addition, she said it didn’t matter how I took it; meaning I could take all of it up front, or take some and spread it out over the course of a couple hours. In the end, what worked best for me was one 350 mg lozenge to start, a 150mg booster half an hour later, and a 100mg extender half an hour after that. After my second session I also started wearing a mask over my eyes, which really helped me look inward, thus resulting in a more rewarding experience. I did this for the remainder of the sessions.
The only truly bad experience I had (false expectations aside), occurred during the fourth session. I decided to go rogue and try swallowing the lozenge solution instead of swishing and then spitting it out- big mistake! I should note that in order to intensify the effects, Aja had been having me swish for twelve minutes, as opposed to ten. During this session I took the first lozenge and began swallowing the solution, leaving just enough to kinda sorta spit some out- to make it look as though I were following the protocol. But as I attempted this with the booster, something went awry; I ended up swallowing the whole lozenge! Needless to say, it was way too much for my system. My stomach felt queasy and I lost touch with reality. Instead of seeing beautiful shapes and colors, and feeling as though I were gliding through the stratosphere, I saw the underbelly of everything. The dark, dirty, rusty underside of all that inhabits our planet. No part of me felt tethered to my actual surroundings- no part of me knew where I was or what was happening. Unlike the other sessions, there was no sense of peace or oneness. Though luckily, I was still able to remain somewhat calm, I had clearly taken it too far; indeed, sometimes less is more. My session began at 3pm, and lasted till around 10pm- four hours longer than normal. Needless to say, I did not repeat that mistake!
For me, it took about four sessions to hit my stride, allowing for the next four sessions to have quite the profound impact on me.
It’s been about six weeks since my last treatment and I would say I’m not the same person I was prior to ketamine treatment- I honestly don’t recognize her. There is a lingering sense of peace and calmness that wasn’t there before. Depression comes and goes, but it’s not as dark, typically, and it seems to dissipate quicker when it does surface. It’s not a magic cure- problems arise, however, after ketamine I feel better equipped to handle them. They don’t overwhelm me the way they once did.
I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to experiment with ketamine.
If I could offer any advice to those curious about this type of treatment it would be this: make sure you go through the proper channels- it may be more expensive, but safety is far more important that accessibility. You should ensure you’re a good fit for ketamine medically, and that it won’t conflict with any medications you’re currently taking. Also, you must make sure psychologically you are a good candidate as well. Once you have that squared away, it is highly recommended that a qualified professional monitor you through the duration of your session- not merely check in on you. You may need assistance processing what you’re feeling/experiencing. You deserve one on one care, not an assembly line approach- not only is this optimal, it is safer and more likely to result in a better overall experience. In addition to that, cast aside all expectations (which I learned the hard way). Go in with an open mind and set an intention for each session. What do you want to be shown? What do you want clarity on? What do you need help with? Also, it’s ok to be chatty during a session or totally quiet. Aja told me “It’s perfectly fine to remain silent during a session. You’re still processing and having an internal dialogue.” Just know there is no right or wrong way to experience ketamine. If you or someone you know is curious about ketamine, I hope this will shine some light on what the treatment entails, ways to promote a better experience, and things to avoid.
Though only time will tell if I need to supplement with additional sessions in the future (apparently that is common with ketamine treatment), I currently feel more optimistic about life and the challenges that lie ahead. I’m more capable of living in the moment, which is crucial in terms of attaining peace.
That said, if I seek further treatments, I will keep you posted. Until then, I wish you all health, happiness and peace;)