I’m a slow learner folks!
It has just recently occurred to me that I have no filter. Now I don’t mean that in the way most of us think- I’m not someone who is unnecessarily cruel or inappropriate with no consideration of the consequences; I’m far too much of an empath for that!
What I mean by no filter is that I can (and often do) freely speak of sensitive topics without realizing how those words may affect, and even trigger someone else.
Take my post from yesterday for example- the very first line of the poem contains the word suicide. Perhaps I should’ve provided context: it was the 14th anniversary of my mother’s passing, and she died an alcoholic, though cancer is what inevitably caused her death.
After I wrote my memoir, a well meaning friend said to me “I was shocked by some of what you wrote about, and though I enjoyed it and feel it will help people, others may find it triggering.” That rocked my world. I had only conceived that my book would benefit people, and now I might cause them to feel/be worse?!!!
I proceeded to then consult not one, but three different therapists for their take on the possibility that my book might cause the existential downfall of society. The unanimous opinion was that I had done my due diligence by stating what it was about on the cover, and that I cannot be held responsible for the mental/emotional well-being of every person who happens upon my book. Whew!!!
Fast forward four months, at which time I was working on a video ad for my memoir. I was trying to describe my book and immediately brought up being molested as a young child. My roommate politely interjected that the content I was providing could very well do more harm than good in terms of garnering interest in my story. Again, I was oblivious.
I believe this is because fortunately, I’ve had the ability to receive a great deal of therapy to work through the various traumas which I’ve endured in my life. Due to this, I can talk about the most painful and horrific things I’ve experienced as if I were discussing the weather. I’m not emotionally attached or invested anymore. Again, it’s not dissociation or denial- I’ve simply addressed these issues to such a degree that they no longer hold any kind of power over me. That said, this causes me to express myself in a manner that is often shocking and at times challenging for others to comprehend.
Additionally, I don’t feel the solution is to clam up and refrain from having these difficult conversations because that implies there’s shame attached to them and shame thrives on secrecy and isolation- just ask Brene Brown. If anything, this newfound awareness is simply that- an awareness.
In closing, I want to say that thankfully I live in a place where I can say anything I choose, and though the intention of this article is not to instill the virtues of free speech, I am grateful that I can freely articulate my thoughts and feelings no matter how hard they may be for others to hear.
I’m not wrong for sharing them- consequently, those who may be triggered, offended, concerned, etc. are not wrong either. That said, I can only hope that my writings will reach those who are ready to receive them because this dear friends, is what I believe I was put here to do;)