I’m just gonna jump right into this- I have a bald spot on the top of my head. I started losing more hair than normal around the age of twenty six.
When I would shower, it would not only clog the drain, but the amount that came off in my hands while washing it heavily covered the shower tiles on the wall.
In a desperate bid to save my drastically diminishing mane, I spent thousands of dollars on everything from follicle stimulating hair products (shampoos, Rogaine for women etc.) to consults with legit and not so legit hair restoration experts. After seeing a dermatologist, it was determined that I have something called androgenetic alopecia- otherwise known as hereditary baldness.
You would never know this by looking at me. I have long, thick hair and at the top of my scalp (where the bald spot is) I use a powder that binds to the hair fibers. If I’m honest, I expected to be wearing a wig by this stage of my life, as I’m now forty four years old.
I still dread showers- they are a moment of reckoning, and never, ever, are they sexy.
Once my scalp is dry I quickly apply the powder so I won’t have to look at the damage. Admittedly, the powder likely clogs the hair follicles, thus causing more damage. It is a vicious cycle. Maybe one day I’ll take the plunge and do a hair restoration procedure- however, those typically cost anywhere from $10,000 to $20,000- my trusty powder is considerably more budget friendly at $15.
I have many thoughts about my hair loss and ultimately I come back to gratitude. If this is the worst complaint I have about my appearance, then I’ll take it! Though I’m not thrilled with having to use the powder, not having to see my bare scalp eases my mind.
Of course, thinking of people (especially women) who’ve lost their hair due to cancer certainly puts my situation into perspective, and perspective is important to have and to maintain. Still, our society (unfairly) judges men on their ability to show no weakness, and it judges women on their appearance. Due in part to this, it can be quite traumatic for a female who experiences hair loss- for any reason.
Though I am not an expert on this subject, I hope to call out the true tragedy here, which is shame. Maybe you don’t have hair loss, perhaps your achilles heel is your teeth, your skin, your weight, etc. Everyone has something about their appearance that diminishes their confidence- something we fear would change or diminish other peoples’ opinions of us.
Initially when I adopted the “it could be worse” mindset, it backfired on me in a major way. I felt even shittier for feeling bad about my hair loss! There is a fine line between guilt and perspective. Perspective yields gratitude, while guilt inevitably leads to shame.
So, if your goal is to have perspective and you notice yourself going down the shame spiral instead, it’s time to pivot. Ask yourself what is the intended goal here? Over time, you’ll start to catch yourself and you’ll redirect your thoughts to match your intentions.
You might be thinking, why do I cover up my bald spot if I’m not giving into shame? My answer to that is that I’m not ashamed of my appearance; I’m simply exercising my right to alter it. For me, by sharing this, It’s helping to eradicate any shame I’ve felt because I no longer feel the need to keep it a secret. When we open up and release that toxic energy, it loses its power over us. Also, shame works both ways in that I won’t allow myself to feel shame for choosing to cover up my bald spot either. I wear makeup too. Not because I’m ashamed of my natural state, but because it enhances my features, and I often prefer that. I’m grateful for the freedom and the opportunity to make changes to my appearance when I choose.
I hope the main takeaway from this article is self acceptance. Body image issues are an affliction almost everyone has, and I hope that by sharing mine it will help you to accept yours. Free of judgement and sans shame- because you’re fucking amazing!