Sleep Checklist

21 May

What I Require For a Good Night’s Sleep

  1. A glass of water- I will lose my shit if I wake up and it’s not there (currently looking into something for anxiety)
  2. Lip balm- I’m addicted to it; it’s like a security blanket for my lips, which I’ll allow since hot flashes keep me from using actual blankets
  3. The entire bed to myself- I blame my divorce for this epiphany
  4. My cevimeline- to stimulate my salivary glands because I’m a habitual mouth breather (think sleeping blow up doll with a drooling problem)
  5. Complete darkness- all lights from electric or battery powered devices must be turned off or covered up (I may have a hint of OCD as well)
  6. The perfect room temperature- In all my years I have yet to figure out what this magical number is (also, f-ck hot flashes)
  7. An occasional Lunesta or Benadryl- these both have been proven to contribute to dementia, but you know what else does? Lack of sleep- so pills it is!
  8. The sun, moon and stars to perfectly align
  9. The ideal orthopedic mattress/pillow combination to compliment my scoliosis, tendinosis and arthritis trifecta
  10. Earplugs- because even though I can’t hear the TV that’s on full blast five feet away, when it’s time for bed I instantly develop the superhuman ability to hear a pin drop in the house next door (possible new Avenger character?)
  11. A magic wand/genie in a bottle situation
  12. A light read- preferably a book with lots of tips on how to achieve a restful slumber, which don’t seem to work for me; but anger, I’ve discovered, is very draining and therefore, beneficial to the sleep process
  13. Complete exhaustion resulting from scenarios 1-12 not working/manifesting- also, the most tried and true method by far