The other night my friend Jane (their pronouns are they/them) and their boyfriend came by to assemble my desk and office chair for me. I would say Jane and Gary came by to “help”, but that would infer that I was also partaking in the assembling. Full disclosure: my role consisted of playing some bitchin’ tunes and fetching some glorious pizza.
As I watched Jane and their boyfriend, I was in awe at how fundamentally different Jane and I are. There Jane was- drilling, gluing and constructing; oftentimes incorrectly. But here’s the thing- they didn’t care. Jane was putting themself out there, and they were learning; and a big part of learning is failing/getting it wrong. Jane was in the moment, having fun and taking it all in- the good and the bad. Prideful and embarrassed, excited and agitated. But always authentic.
Granted, Jane enjoys this type of thing, whereas my limited patience prevents me from even considering such a task. However, I had to ask myself, how often do I even give myself an opportunity to try something new? I.E.- permission to fail.
The answer is not as often as I would like, and the reason for this, (that I am a slow learner) I’ve addressed in past articles. Somewhere along the line, I bought into the notion that being a fast learner equals smart, and thus, being a slow learner must equate to having a less than stellar IQ. So if I go out into the world feeling this way (despite knowing deep down it isn’t true), I will stick to things/experiences I know so that my dirty little secret isn’t exposed. Ironically, keeping ourselves from learning new things is what inevitably stunts our growth- not the inability to “get it on the first try”.
I believe this to be the most daunting challenge I will face in my lifetime, however, I began accepting that challenge upon entering my fourth decade on this planet. Prior to that, I’d remained in my safety bubble of working in retail for almost thirty of my forty-five years of existence. I stayed in a marriage for almost fifteen years- from the age of twenty six to forty-one, largely due to the fact that it was safe and secure. Now I’ve left both the job and the husband. I bought a home, wrote a book and am training to become a life coach. Nothing about my life in the current day resembles the sheltered and predictable path I once walked upon.
So, perhaps I don’t give myself enough credit for putting myself (allowing myself) to be in a position where failing (learning) is an inevitability. I don’t know what I’m doing in so many regards; not in terms of publishing a book, and certainly not when it comes to starting a business. What I do know is that by giving myself permission to figure it out, I’m becoming the person I was always meant to be. I am strong, grateful, opinionated, caring, talented, brave and intelligent. I am also scared, anxious, depressed, doubtful and insecure; which is okay because we are all complex, multi-faceted beings, are we not?
Still, people like Jane will continue to inspire and fascinate me as my new journey unfolds.
May the rest of our lives be crazy and unpredictable, and may we continue to grow, evolve and fail brilliantly!