Growing up, I never gave much thought as to what my career would be because my life had always been about survival- not hopes, dreams and ambitions. I don’t say that for sympathy; it was merely how I saw things the majority of my existence. However, I’m thrilled to say the Heather of today has a far more evolved vision of the future.
In recent months I’ve expressed my goal to become a life coach, which ironically, wasn’t even a legit concept when I was growing up. That blew my mind- the notion that it’s okay to not know what you’re meant to do because perhaps it’s not yet a viable option. Still, as I took courses and further educated myself about life coaching, something just felt off and I couldn’t put my finger on it. On paper, it seemed so aligned with my natural abilities and purpose, but in actuality, the notion of being a life coach just didn’t feel right. Turns out, I was about to discover why.
My readers are all too familiar with the fact that I have severe depression. I wear it like a badge of honor in hopes of erasing the stigma of it. But deep down, it still managed to be my dirty little secret. Deep down, I worried this heavy weight I carried would keep me from the possibility of being in service to others. Sure, a life coach who understands what it’s like to be in the trenches makes them more relatable and because of that, possibly more in demand. But who wants a life coach who’s still in the trenches, struggling to get out? Talk about feeling like a fraud!
Here’s where the concept of irony really comes full circle; I’m actually starting a business (more details to come) as a ketamine sitter/guide. It turned out that my severe depression would ultimately become the reason for the career path I was destined to pursue! Had I not been struggling so much, I never would’ve discovered ketamine therapy. Also, had I not tried, loved, and benefitted profoundly from this therapy, I never would’ve understood the need for what I’m about to explore.
Taking it a step further, I realized that the reason my depression had such a grip on me was because I felt so much desperation when it came to my career path. For example, I wrote a book and believed I was meant to write for a living. I crafted lyrics and collaborated with people and took that to mean I must be a songwriter, so naturally I’ll win a Grammy (what can I say? I’m a dreamer!) and do that for a living. Then it was life coaching because that seemed to be the most practical option. I was so lost and frustrated!
But the truth is, no amount of ketamine (or any psychedelic medicine for that matter) can change your life circumstances. That’s why although I knew it was helping, I was still struggling. It’s not a magic wand or a cure-all; it’s merely a tool. It wasn’t until I stopped putting so much pressure on everything that a door opened up and showed me my path- at least for now.
In reality, I am still all of these things: a writer, a coach, a lyricist, etc. I believe it’s true for many of us that the more we chase something the more it tends to elude us. The moment I surrendered control, my calling became abundantly clear.
As far as the future is concerned, who knows what crazy path I’ll take or what odd career I may pursue- because if history is any indication, it may not even exist yet!